I need to know what was wrong with me! The diagnosis was not good, but at that point, I had no idea how my life was going to change. But it wasn’t just my life that has affected the cardiomyopathy and heart disease; It was my husband’s life.
I was born with a heart defect, which caused me to have ventricular tachycardia during my entire childhood. I thought more of a distraction than anything else. It wasn’t until 40 years, that my heart started getting much worse. In 1992, I received a pacemaker implant. I was now pacer employee, means that I couldn’t live without a pacemaker.
Things were pretty normal until 2006, when she was diagnosed with a chronic heart insufficiency (CCHF) and cardiomyopathy. He was implanted with a defibrillator with a pacemaker inside. My ‘ normal ‘ life no longer existed.
Slowly, I found a new ‘ normal ‘ for me. Now they lead a very sedentary lifestyle. I learned to accept my new lifestyle that includes living with heart disease every day. I’m thankful that I’m still alive any style.
It has taken awhile for my husband to accept my illness. It is not a loner and was used to us doing things together. That just isn’t possible. It took a long time, but I pushed him to do things on their own. First, it was heartening to attend our grandchildren sports games and track meets. Now, he is enjoying more activities on their own. He is still happy to go alone, but he will be.
This, too, has to do with our relationship because I spend a lot of time alone. I have to admit that sometimes, I resented being alone so much. Just like he does because he has to go to events alone.
Hard I try to put myself in his position. All our friends are retired and doing a lot of things that I can’t do. He is invited to move forward, once a while, but don’t go without me. I know my heart disease affects his life, too!
My lifestyle change has been going on for a long time. Things got better between us, regarding his acceptance of my illness and my new life. My husband is doing more now on their own. It was good for me that he is slowly accepting my illness.
As for me, I live every day giving gratitude and acceptance of God for all the blessings he has given me. My greatest blessing, next to still be alive, is my husband who loves me, cares about me and supports me in my writing and creative effort.